This film is what I spent a chunk of this past summer working on. I was the assistant editor; in charge of the footage on set. It was a wonderful cast and a wonderful crew as well. I loved my time working on this film. This was my door into the world of entertainment, and I’m so glad it was this project that started everything. It’s really rewarding to see all this hard work come together to make a masterpiece. It will be screening at Cannes next month, and hopefully will make it to American screens in the near future! This is the official trailer. Please do enjoy, and share with friends.

Hello again, long time. I just talked to my dad on the phone, for a long time. Lately, I have been feeling rather homesick. I guess it doesn’t help that I don’t know when I’ll next be able to find time to head home. (but I’m loving work) It was so great just talking to him about everything, and I mean everything. I was able to share my life with him and just receive love and knowledge. I am definitely blessed to have my dad. He is not the typical Asian father, but one who is genuinely and actively a part of my daily life. I definitely appreciate this and promise never to take this for granted. I tell people how he is both a father figure and best friend. More than ever, I realize how blessed I am to have him. My relationship with him has helped shape much of who I am today.

My earthly father is the spiritual rock in my life. My earthly father’s ultimate goal is to push my eyes toward my heavenly Father. He is always pointing to Christ. This is definitely the father I eventually want to become.

I may be overly dramatic right now, but these are the current thoughts of my mind. I feel like Frodo after the ring has been destroyed. Sam is excited at the prospect of returning to the Shire, but unbeknownst to him, he will be returning alone. Later Frodo proceeds to sail away. But unlike Frodo, I am trembling at the thought of moving on. I am on the docks, the boat has been fully prepared, and “Sam” is waving goodbye. I just cannot seem to get on the boat and sail. Who knows, there may be a more beautiful world on the other side but I’ve grown content. There is, however, a wrinkle in this story. Tonight is the last night I will spend on this dock. Tomorrow morning, I am hopping on the boat and sailing.

I think that too often we play this life too conservatively. I am not referring to a party-less, typical college-sin free life. Rather, conservative meaning we are too timid to take any real chances. We refuse to jump unless there is a safety net ready to catch us. We anxiously wait at the water’s edge, refusing to take action until a sign appears. Many times, by waiting for a sign we’ve already started flat footed. This doesn’t imply we should be stupid and brash in our decision making. Obviously we need God’s blessing to move forward. (Meditation, prayer, reading God’s word, wise counsel: these are tools in which Christ speaks to us, usually not some random advertisement in a magazine.) In my case, however, I tend to be like Gideon in Judges 6. I receive God’s blessing, but I refuse to believe it. Instead, I ask God for another sign. With that attitude, how many signs are going to be necessary before I respond?

Tomorrow morning, I wake up a new man. Maybe Probably I’m not ready, but I will become ready while on this journey. I was definitely not ready for college when I entered, but I survived. I’m not ready to leave college, but I am going to leave it. I physically left it already; now I am mentally leaving it. Though this door may close behind me, another door is opening ahead. And don’t forget, why else would doors have doorknobs; I’m not sealing this door shut behind me, but instead shutting it by choice. I’m ready for you, world.

After a fun filled evening, I drove home alone tonight. So often my complaints are wired around this theme of isolation. While most of my friends wake up to go to school every morning and their existence is centered around this theme of student, I do not and I am not. Sometimes I wonder why I chose to leave ahead of schedule. But at the same time, I don’t miss the classes and I definitely don’t miss the studying. There is however an apparent and striking reality: it is hard to be a part of something that I am no longer a part of it. Life moves on, and the harsh reality is that people move on as well. Very soon, in a matter of years, St. John’s will no longer remember my existence. Moving on. Because of the amount of time I am alone, I cherish times when I can be around other people. So tonight, I naturally believed I would feed off the energy of being around great people. Nonetheless, I felt emptiness. There was disconnect; yes it was subtle, but it was definitely there.

It helped me realize that even if I am around the greatest people in the world, in the end it will never fully satisfy me.

Thank you Lord for good memories and good friends, but definitely: give me Jesus. A heart fully after Christ is the only way this heart will ever be fully satisfied.

I’ve learned a couple things about myself:

1. My best writing is done when I’m either really upset or hurt.

2. When I’m either really upset or hurt I tend to write things I later regret*.

This is clearly a formula for great success.

_

So I’ll keep it short and regret free.

Thank you. And yes, sarcasm implied.

_

*That’s why most of it never makes it onto tumblr.

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? -Frodo” 

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

Perhaps this is the last time I pick up these threads. This time, I will put them away nicely. There are more journeys to be had. More battles to be fought. I’ve been letting go and now I’m finally moving on.

For about the past month, I’ve been spending my Saturday’s with the BDTers. Many times I wondered why I even forced myself up at 7am on these precious weekend mornings. I wasn’t taking BDT, furthermore I wasn’t even a college student. Also, I did very little to contribute to the actual training. I didn’t help grade quizzes, I didn’t sit in the lectures, I really didn’t do much. I literally took the subway with them in the morning and chilled while they were in their lecture. I kept myself busy with various activities, including: eating pizza, walking around, visiting a bookstore, and lounging the rest of the time. I didn’t do anything overly exciting. After they were finished with the “classroom portion” I hung out with them on their various activities. There was Dallas BBQ one time and a scavenger hunt another week. (I missed whatever the activity was the first week due to work) I wasn’t there to be a leader or a voice, but rather just to be someone that was there for them. Yes these underclassmen needed guidance and direction, but more than that they needed love. I could’ve tried being that guy who attempted to make every opportunity a teachable moment, but there was much more that could be offered in love. Who was I to be teaching them anyway? Rather, I wanted to show them that they mattered, that they were worth my Saturdays. I’m pretty sure I had some things to offer, but I’ve learned that God isn’t so considered with what we can do but how faithful we are in following him.

For so long, I looked at these underclassmen and saw them as projects. I saw myself as a project; someone who came into college so broken and without direction. What do we do with projects? We try to complete them, perfect them even. Yes, these underclassmen are projects, but it’s also not my place to fix them. I have begun to embrace the fact that it is in God that people are fixed. God can take the people most broken and use them greatly. He has the ability to fix people whom the world has deemed lost causes. I also realized that God did not call me to be a fixer, but rather a lover; a lover of his people. There is just so much more to be offered in loving others.

This world is hungry for love. More so than any romantic kind of love, the world is in need of Christ’s love. These underclassmen are no different. Regardless of how they may come off, they are just vessels in need of much care. This isn’t something people grow out of, but is something we continually need. Love is powerful. The best way to invest in the future generation is not to equip them with different tools and gadgets, but rather through a genuine sharing of Christ’s love and compassion. Of course these tools are beneficial, but what good are they if they lack love?

P.S. The inspiration for this post’s title is from a song by one of the greatest bands ever. Mad props if you know who they are.

These past couple weeks months have been quite a roller coaster. There have been so many passing thoughts; most of which have appeared whilst working. Thus, I have lost many of them. The rest I’ve lost due to sheer laziness. My posts have come in clumps. So, it is time to break this quiet streak once again. Here’s back to writing out my thoughts. This post is extremely impulsive. I had no will to write whatsoever, but hopefully something useful will come from this forced entry:

Being content is scary. Being complacent isn’t okay. I started this journey off with such high expectations and ginormous dreams. Now, I find myself at a crossroad; not really sure where my life is headed (too many crossroads and too soon). I hated handing out first aid kits, but it started becoming bearable. It was paying rent and keeping me busy. It was just supposed to be temporary, but it became routine for me. Once it became a routine, the dangers crept in: it aided me in losing motivation to seek further work. Now, that it’s gone, I’m back at square one. I’m glad that it’s over, but it’s scary at the same time. In my mind, this was my safety net, but once again I have nothing to fall back on. It seems I have also lost the motivation and confidence to keep searching for film work. Sometimes, I wish this was just a bad grade on a midterm because I would still have the final to bank on. Unfortunately, life does not operate this way. School and life offer two separate challenges. Both are uniquely difficult. I finished the former (don’t worry, I still feel your pains), but the latter is currently smacking me. Nonetheless, I still have Christ to lean on. The path with him is always the right path!

[Psalm 62:1]

“What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a good-by. I mean I’ve left schools and places I didn’t even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don’t care if it’s a sad good-by or a bad good-by, but when I leave a place I like to know I’m leaving it. If you don’t, you feel even worse.”

J.D. Salinger — The Catcher in the Rye

—

It sometimes feels like I never got my good-by

One thing I was reminded of earlier today: there is no greater encouragement than being reminded of the Gospel truth.

But in order to extract the gospel message in this story, I need to backtrack to Wednesday. It was on that particular day I began a new job. Looking a little further back to a couple weeks ago, I finished a short film job and once again became a “free agent”. I was informed on set that it was hard to find film work in the months of January and February. This truth quickly became evident again after my work was completed. I was unemployed with no potential work awaiting the near future. For one week, I sat around at home and also managed to appear randomly at school. I was bitter and upset at my hopeless situation.

Going back to Wednesday: the day I began this new job. My job was to hand out free first aid kits to random pedestrians on the sidewalk. It was an outreach/marketing campaign to bring awareness to a new urgent care center that recently opened in the neighborhood (I won’t release the company’s name and instead let my awesome handing out skills spread the word). This job was difficult in many ways, but humiliating in every way. My attitude was horrible going into it and didn’t improve during it. This was comparable to witnessing for 6 hours straight, but it was handing out first aid kits instead of sharing the Good News. In an average 6 hour period, we were able to move close to 1500 first aid kits.

Knowing this, now let me give you glimpse into my sinful heart and mind. I felt I was too good to be doing this sort of work; it was pretty much charity. I wondered why I should be out in the freezing cold offering complete strangers a free first aid kit. I looked at myself and what I saw clashed with what I was doing. I, a college graduate with a degree and professional work experience, was doing unskilled work. I was not a slouch academically either (I’ll let your imagination dictate my results). Despite all my “accomplishments” I was left with this dead end job. I was so bitter because the 3.5 years I spent in university was not supposed to lead me to handing out freebies in the street. (I know, what a huge sinner this Tim guy is) Thank God for the Saviour who rescued my broken and deceitful heart.

I fast-forward my week to Saturday. I called my mom because she had texted me earlier asking me to give her a call when I had the chance. Lo and behold I found my chance, but it was my dad who picked up the phone. (Sidebar: my dad is the spiritual rock in my life) We began to talk about life and how I was doing, so naturally I brought up my new not-so-great gig. As I complained about the humiliating work that I was relegated to doing, he brought up Jesus Christ. He reminded me that Christ was Lord, but chose to become a man in order that he could rescue us. He was everything, but chose to become absolutely nothing for the sake of his people. Contrary to God, here I was complaining about my “status” in the eyes of strangers. My Saviour was willing to humble himself all the way to the cross for me, but here I was stuck in my own mire. I was challenged and humbled when I was able to apply Christ into my own life. My dad reminded me that I was to live a life reflecting Christ. He reminded me to find joy in the humbling times because Christ had something great in store.

Its funny how in the midst of these struggles, I am able to experience such great joy. I’m looking forward to embracing this coming week of work with a new mindset. I can’t say I’m excited to hand out more first aid kits, but rather I am excited for Christ’s challenges. This is not the end, but merely the beginning of a long and hopefully fruitful journey. My status and identity are not found in what others may think of me, or even what I may think about myself; my identity is rooted in Christ alone. This is my humble beginning, and I will continue to gladly use my gifts to serve my Humble King.

[Job 8: 6-7; Hebrews 4:15]